New year, New possibilities

A year ago I pitched a proposal at work for a promotion. I had already been doing all the job responsibilities and it was time to seize the moment to go to the next level. I carefully laid out my resume, cover letter and action plan. Nervously I turned it in to my supportive supervisor hoping for the best. Less than a week later I had a doctors appointment that confirmed that the melanoma cancer had returned. My career aspirations would have to be put on hold. It felt like a terrible defeat despite never having the chance to enter the ring.

One year later I’m still fighting the cancer but everyday it gets better. I gain more strength. Before cancer I was very career driven and that came first at all costs. Today I take it easy and time to enjoy my kids growing up. It can be quite a balancing act at times. Trying to have it all and make it look effortless. Still I keep on going. Every scan and every blood draw is a hurtle towards the finish line. The finish line is far away but every hurtle is an achievement and one step closer.

As we enter 2019, I could say what a horrible 2018 was going through immunotherapy and all that comes with it. But instead every experience, the good and the bad, made me who I am today. I never used to make time to meditate or read for pleasure. Today these are part of daily life. There’s an insatiable thirst for wanting to let you and live my best possible life. Even in the darkest hour there is still light.

I’m still working on my resolutions for this year, but one of them will be to be kinder to myself. Too many times we are our hardest critic. Imagine if that critic was on your side and even a friend. It may take months or years but it’s a habit worth changing. The self-critic is the voice in your head telling you no or all the reasons why you can’t do something. It can be very haunting and cause tremendous anxiety. Over time it’s the voice that dominates and the only one you hear. Through gentle reminders, loving-kindness, and affirmations I plan to continue the journey towards being at peace and acceptance.