Cancer is a journey that unfortunately most people go through alone. Your friends and family try but often they don’t know what to say or how to help. The usual “I’m sorry, and we’re here for you, whatever you need” are pretty typical lines. The thing is that people have their own lives with their own problems. They sometimes don’t know what to say or how to help.

I received a phone call about 10 minutes after making it home and started crying in my garden. I hadn’t even had the chance to tell my family what was going on. I shouldn’t have picked up that call but did and of course it was work. They wanted to talk work and how a training went, In tears I blurted out that I just found out I had cancer and would talk about the training tomorrow. That’s an extreme example of unloading on someone, but you never know what someone is going through. This person still avoids me months later and barely speaks to me. Maybe they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing.

In another moment, about a week later I was washing my hands in the restroom when a colleague came out to do the same. She asked the typical “how are you” expecting to get the automatic response we all give of “fine”. Instead I broke down and told her what I was going through. She was beyond encouraging and continues several months later to follow up with me. This person took the time to listen and more importantly have compassion.

It stinks but cancer is a journey where you find out who your true friends are, who just wants the gossip, and who’s ready to write you off as if you’re broken or already dead.

You look for those moments of peace and hope your true friends and family stick with you. We all fall down. Who do you have that helps you back up and how do you help yourself back up? Two questions that take time to answer.

In the messiness also comes the beauty and kindness of the humanity where coworkers and neighbors bring you meals, family and friends make quilts as a comfort during chemo treatments. Those moments of true generosity are unexpected but mean so much. So thank you to those friends and family for sticking with me on this journey through all the ups and downs.