Most cancer patients have scanxiety. It’s the anxiety of knowing about an upcoming test or waiting what feels like an eternity for results. On day 1 I had bloodwork downtown at MD Anderson at 6:45 am. That’s the opposite side of Houston with lovely unpredictable traffic. Waking up way too early meant I was a zombie that couldn’t eat or drink anything for most of the day. Zombies need to eat. After bloodwork a lovely Barium concoction was made to order-I take mine mixed with Sprite. It’s a super sized drink that you have to hold your nose to take in 45 minutes. They don’t offer any mixers no matter how much you offer to bribe. Yes I have tried. Get drinking the super sized cup and don’t stop because you’re on the clock. After an hour or so is the actual CT scan that takes 10 minutes but there’s a million steps all asking you to verify your ID. Yes I know who I am. There’s also a wrist band just in case. After the CT scan came the MRI. You lie flat and your head is put in a helmet with foam all around to hold your head still. Then the mask is put on. You enter the tube knowing that there is no getting out. Being claustrophobic I have to put myself into deep relaxation and close my eyes each time I have this test. Sounds vibrate at different decimals. Each test lasts about 3-5 minutes and there’s usually 10 total-with and without contrast. After the tests all you want to do is to escape, to escape and go home to sleep. Day 1 was finally over and I could rest.
Twenty four hours later we were sitting in the packed waiting room for melanoma. Every one in that waiting room was fighting the same disease. It was completely packed with 40-50 people but you could hear a pin drop. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts and battle. As I looked around and tried to offer a smile of hope to a few that stared blankly anxiously awaiting for their name to be called. The majority of people were in their late 50s to 60s. I stuck out like a sore thumb being one of the youngest in the group.
You would think that after all this waiting they would come in and tell you the results, nope. A nurse comes in to review your medical history, yes I know I just got scans yesterday and no I haven’t fallen in the last month. Then a young doctor comes in an hour later to tell you the results. Today she was ecstatic to tell me that MY LUNGS WERE CLEAR OF ANY TUMORS AND THE BRAIN TUMOR HAD REMAINED THE SAME SIZE AND SHAPE!!! This means that either the tumor isn’t growing-great news or that it’s scar tissue that will always be there and won’t hurt anything-even better news. I’ll follow up again a few more times every 3 months. Finally the lead doctor comes in to tell the same news and answer any questions. They can’t say that I’m clean and in remission for at least a year. But for now this is a great victory. Everyday I’m getting stronger.
Courageous Perseverance 