You usually hear about the final two week count down when expecting a baby, maybe the number of days before a vacation or starting a new another job. During those two weeks time seems to slow down. For me it’s two weeks till my next set of scans at MD Anderson. This is the big one and in the “cancer bubble world” they call it scanxiety. The anxiety leading up to scans. So much depends on these results and there’s not a whole lot you can do about it. Like waiting in line at Disneyland as a friend put it.
I’ve been off my infusions for a few months now on doctors orders and my immune system is being built back up. The big question is will the three tumors in my brain be stable again-like they were in June, or would they grow/shrink? What about the lungs, are they still gone/going away? So many questions and it’s easy to get overwhelmed and lost. It’s easy to lose hope and skip to the what if’s. Its easy to fall and fall again and fall again. But there is hope, no matter who far or how many times you’ve fallen there’s always hope. No matter what I believe it you look for it there is hope.
It’s been a difficult journey to say the least, but I try to ease the worry and anxiety. from trying to eat healthier, meditation, essential oils, vitamins, reiki healing, and traditional and non-traditional therapy. Whatever it takes. Does it really matter if this is “fixed” with the immunotherapy or my non-traditional methods? Really don’t think so. Maybe it’s a combination, again who cares. No matter how many podcasts I need to listen to or books I have to read it doesn’t matter. What does matter is being in the right frame of mind. Whatever comes will come and the next step will be taken at that time. Living in the what if’s fuels the anxiety as depression. It’s okay to acknowledge both but then look for the hope. Do what you need to do and keep going. For me no matter how many times I’m kicked down and beaten, I stubbornly get back up again. So why would this chapter with cancer be any different?
So there’s my two week notice and I’m going to keep going.
Courageous Perseverance 